A man checked into a hotel. There was a computer in his room, so he decided to send an e-mail to his wife.
However, he accidentally typed a wrong e-mail address, and without realizing his error, he sent the e-mail.
Meanwhile....Somewhere in Houston , a widow had just returned from her husband's funeral.
The widow decided to check her e-mail, expecting condolence messages from relatives and friends.
After reading the first message, she fainted. The widow's son rushed in the room, found his mother on the floor, and saw the
computer screen which read:
To: My Loving Wife
Subject: I've Reached
Date: 16 May 2004
I know you're surprised to hear from me. They have computers here, and we are allowed to send e-mails to loved ones.
I've just reached and have been checked in. I see that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow.
Looking forward to seeing you TOMORROW!
Your loving Hubby
Wednesday, November 19, 2008
Monday, October 20, 2008
sardaji joke
Three Sardarjis went for a tour to Singapore.
They searched for rooms everywhere and finally got one which is in the topmost floor of a 100 floor hotel.
After taking rest they started for a local visit.
While leaving the hotel, the manager informed them that they should reach the hotel before10.00pm or else lift will not be available and they have to take the steps for which they agreed and went out.
After all the entertainment in the city, they reached back late at 10.30.
Since lift was not available, they decided to take the stairways under the condition that each sardarji has to tell a story that lasts for 33 floors so that they can reach the 100th floor without much trouble.
After first sardarji finished his story in 33rd floor, the third sardarji said,
"I have a sad story to say, but i will tell at the end only".
Then second sardarji finished his story and the third finished his story and finally they reached the 100th floor.
Then first sardarji asked what was the sad story.
The third one said,
"I forgot the room key which is on the manager's table".
They once again started back to the first floor and this time the second sardarji after crossing 33 floors from top said,
" I got a sad story, but I will also say that at the end".
They finally reached the first floor and when asked about the sad story, the second sardarji said,
" The keys were in my pocket only".
With anger and full tired, they once again start from the first floor.
After reaching the 33rd floor, the third sardarji said,
" I too have a sad story, but I will say at the end only".
Then they reached the 100th floor and the second one asked the third sardarji about the sad story, he replied:
"This is not our hotel, It is on the other side of road, opposite to this...!!!"
They searched for rooms everywhere and finally got one which is in the topmost floor of a 100 floor hotel.
After taking rest they started for a local visit.
While leaving the hotel, the manager informed them that they should reach the hotel before10.00pm or else lift will not be available and they have to take the steps for which they agreed and went out.
After all the entertainment in the city, they reached back late at 10.30.
Since lift was not available, they decided to take the stairways under the condition that each sardarji has to tell a story that lasts for 33 floors so that they can reach the 100th floor without much trouble.
After first sardarji finished his story in 33rd floor, the third sardarji said,
"I have a sad story to say, but i will tell at the end only".
Then second sardarji finished his story and the third finished his story and finally they reached the 100th floor.
Then first sardarji asked what was the sad story.
The third one said,
"I forgot the room key which is on the manager's table".
They once again started back to the first floor and this time the second sardarji after crossing 33 floors from top said,
" I got a sad story, but I will also say that at the end".
They finally reached the first floor and when asked about the sad story, the second sardarji said,
" The keys were in my pocket only".
With anger and full tired, they once again start from the first floor.
After reaching the 33rd floor, the third sardarji said,
" I too have a sad story, but I will say at the end only".
Then they reached the 100th floor and the second one asked the third sardarji about the sad story, he replied:
"This is not our hotel, It is on the other side of road, opposite to this...!!!"
Monday, August 4, 2008
poojalu and punaskaralu
Just a day before the Shraavana starts, it is amaavaasya and is a
festival called
" jyothi BhiimEshwara Vrata " or " Bhiimana amaavaasya " or " Pati
sanjiivinii vrata ".
( Ashaada krishna amaavaasya )
A story behind this is : Once a brahmin who was hard pressed for money
married his daughter off to a prince who had just then died. After the
ceremony all the relatives leave the dead body and the unfortunate girl
on the bank of a river and go away. In that amaavasya darkness coupled
with storming rain, the gile makes a Ishwara Linga out of the sand and
does pooja to it with all her devotion. Lord Shiva and Parvati appear
before the girl and grants her the boon of life for her husband. Thus
the girl becomes a sumangali and the prince gets back his kingdom too.
Hence all married woman and unmarried girls perform pooja to lord
Ishwara and godess parvati who are invoked in a pair of lamps which are
kept over a pile of grain, the lamps lighted and the jyothi is
worshipped. After the pooja, the boys in the family are made to break
open a sweet similar to " Kadabu " kept on the threshold of the pooja
room inside which is kept some money for them. This is to mark the
regaining of the kingdom by the dead prince who got back life by his
devoted wife, the ritual called by the name " breaking of Bhandaara ( or
the treasury ) ".
Naaga Panchami - Shraavana shukla panchami .
This is a day of worshipping the Snake-God called Naagaraaja or the
cobra, the king of snakes. Since it is rainy season and in ancient days
there was the menace of snake bites during this season, people must have
started worshipping the snake god inorder to propitiate him and avoid
snake bites. The story behind this festival is that once a sister
requests her brother to get her some kedigE flowers ( an yellow coloured
scented flower whose petals are palm leaves, said to be a favorite of
snake god ) to worship the diety. The brother who goes inside a forest
to fetch the flower is bitten by a snake and dies. The sister offers
prayer to the snake god and gets her brother back to life. Hence on this
day the brothers visit their married sisters , accept the sweets
prepared by them and the sisters apply milk and ghee to the back and the
navel ( signifying the umbilical cord which the siblings share while in
mother's womb) and pray god for a long life to their brothers. Little
girls and their brothers together worship the snake god at home and
apply milk and ghee to each other.
Siriyaala shashti - shraavana shukla shashti : This is a lesser known
festival as only those families where there is a tradition of
celebrating this festival observe this. All do not. Here the ladies who
have male issues invite a lady who also has male issue and offer her a
variety of rice preparations like lemon-rice, ghee-rice, curd-rice,
plain-rice etc along with paayasam (sweet porridge) and taamboola with
dakshine
( coconut, beetel leaves and money ) and take the lady's blessings for
the prosperity of male issues. ( the prosperity of female issues is in
no way neglected or thought unimportant ). I have only mentioned the
traditional aspect of this festival.
Mangala Gowri vratam - on all tuesdays of shraavana month. This vratam
is celebrated by married women in the first five years of their
marriage. The women pray for their husbands' prosperity and longevity of
life. Copra (dried coconut), blocks of jaggery, blouse peices folded in
a triangular shape, bangles are all offered to godess gowri and women
sing a special mangala gowri song and as they sing, they hold a squarish
ladle ( used to turn sides of a dosa or chapati ) to the lighted sixteen
lamps of ghee and collect its soot which they later apply to their eyes
as 'kaajal', one more symbol of sumangali. Special sweet prepared by
wheat flour or sooji with ghee and jaggery are offered to all the ladies
invited that evening along with the traditional beetel leaf, coconut,
plantains and coins of money. At the end of five years' worshipping, the
woman invites her mother for the pooja and lunch and gives a gift to
her mother on successful completion of the vrata and takes her
blessings.
Upaakarma : This is observed on different days by the followers of the
three vedaas. The yajurvEdis observe it on Sraavana pUrnima day and
RigvEdis observe it in Shraavana maasa when the shravana nakshatra is
sighted. Saamavedis observe this one month later, under the nakshatra
(asterism) Hastaa in the month of Bhaadrapada. It usually occurs a day
before or after or on the Ganesha chaturti day. The word Upaakarma
itself is derived from the word upakramana which means to start
something. In the olden days in Gurukulaas the academic year was divided
into two terms. The first term was for about five months and the second
was for about seven months. The first term was called upaakarma and the
second utsarjana. The first term upaakarma refers to the starting of
basic vedic lessons of Samhitaas, Brahmanaas, aranyakaas and upanishads.
These lessons continued till the beginning of the pushya maasa. On the
full moon day of pushya month or on the day of the asterism of Rohini
the study of vedaas was concluded with the ceremony of utsarjana. The
word utsarjana and visarjana mean the same thing - discontinuing or
discharging something. On this day the adhyayana and adhyaapana (
learning and teaching ) of vedaas are concluded and the study of six
vEdAngAs are started - shiksha, vyaakarana, chandas, nirukta, jyotisha
and kalpa. Other subjects are also taught during this period. This will
again conclude on the upaakarma day and vedaadhyayana begins. Since
Saamavedis have their upakarma in Bhadrapada month, they have the
utsarjana on the full moon day of maagha.
Though the name upakarma refers to the first term of the year in a
gurukula, it is also observed by the grihastas as they also have a duty
to teach what they have learnt and they should also revise whatever they
have learnt.
On this day men worship the great Sages and offer tila tarpana to them
to fulfill the R^ina or the debt towards these Rishis who have given us
the legacy of vedas and upanishads. Men also change the sacred thread
and wear a new one accompanied by the appropriate rituals.
Gayathri pratipat - Sraavana krishna paadya : There is no connection
between the upakarma and Gayathri pratipat. Since it falls on the next
day of the yajurvedi upakarma people connect the two. According to the
shaastraas, the person must perform yajna offering 1000 samits to the
fire god or do the japa of Gayathri mantra 1000 times. It is this mantra
which when chanted with earnestness and devotion will bestow upon the
person high level of grahana and dhaarana shakti. Grahana shakti is the
ability to grasp what is taught and dhaarana shakti is the capacity to
retain in memory what is learnt.
Varamahaalakshmi vrata - the Friday before the purnima of Shraavana
month : Married woman whose husbands are alive perform this pooja at
home. They arrange a kalasha ( a silver pot smeared with chunnam,
arisina and kumkum, with mango leaves and a coconut perched on top ) and
invoke godess Lakshmi who is the bestower of wealth and prosperity. A
'doora' or a special thread is tied to the pot while worshipping the
Godess and later on the worshipper ties that thread on her right wrist
as a protective band. Sumangali ladies are invited and offered gifts and
their blessings taken.
Gokulaashtami - Shraavana krishna ashtami : This is the birthday
celebrations of Lord Sri Krishna who incarnated in the dwaapara yuga as
a son to Devaki and Vasudeva. Since Krishna was born at midnight the
festival is celebrated on the day when ashtami or the Rohini star is
there after moonrise. People fast during the day, prepare number of
eatables considered as favorite of Lord Krishna, offer it to the Lord
and then distribute them as Prasaadam to all the devotees and specially
to children. They keep vigil the whole night doing bhajans and listening
to Bhaagavata story or other stories depicting the greatness of Lord
Srikrishna as a child. In Maharashtra people hang pots of milk and
butter at great heights and young boys play underneath them and compete
with each other to break the pots and drink the milk , like how Krishna
used to do with his friends at Gokul. Young children are dressed up like
little Krishna and visit the houses in the neighbourhood. Grand scale
celebrations take place at Krishna temples, specially at Vrindavan,
Dwaraka and Mathura. People decorate cradles and keep the image of child
Krishna in it and sacraments like jataka karma and naming ceremony are
all done on that night.
festival called
" jyothi BhiimEshwara Vrata " or " Bhiimana amaavaasya " or " Pati
sanjiivinii vrata ".
( Ashaada krishna amaavaasya )
A story behind this is : Once a brahmin who was hard pressed for money
married his daughter off to a prince who had just then died. After the
ceremony all the relatives leave the dead body and the unfortunate girl
on the bank of a river and go away. In that amaavasya darkness coupled
with storming rain, the gile makes a Ishwara Linga out of the sand and
does pooja to it with all her devotion. Lord Shiva and Parvati appear
before the girl and grants her the boon of life for her husband. Thus
the girl becomes a sumangali and the prince gets back his kingdom too.
Hence all married woman and unmarried girls perform pooja to lord
Ishwara and godess parvati who are invoked in a pair of lamps which are
kept over a pile of grain, the lamps lighted and the jyothi is
worshipped. After the pooja, the boys in the family are made to break
open a sweet similar to " Kadabu " kept on the threshold of the pooja
room inside which is kept some money for them. This is to mark the
regaining of the kingdom by the dead prince who got back life by his
devoted wife, the ritual called by the name " breaking of Bhandaara ( or
the treasury ) ".
Naaga Panchami - Shraavana shukla panchami .
This is a day of worshipping the Snake-God called Naagaraaja or the
cobra, the king of snakes. Since it is rainy season and in ancient days
there was the menace of snake bites during this season, people must have
started worshipping the snake god inorder to propitiate him and avoid
snake bites. The story behind this festival is that once a sister
requests her brother to get her some kedigE flowers ( an yellow coloured
scented flower whose petals are palm leaves, said to be a favorite of
snake god ) to worship the diety. The brother who goes inside a forest
to fetch the flower is bitten by a snake and dies. The sister offers
prayer to the snake god and gets her brother back to life. Hence on this
day the brothers visit their married sisters , accept the sweets
prepared by them and the sisters apply milk and ghee to the back and the
navel ( signifying the umbilical cord which the siblings share while in
mother's womb) and pray god for a long life to their brothers. Little
girls and their brothers together worship the snake god at home and
apply milk and ghee to each other.
Siriyaala shashti - shraavana shukla shashti : This is a lesser known
festival as only those families where there is a tradition of
celebrating this festival observe this. All do not. Here the ladies who
have male issues invite a lady who also has male issue and offer her a
variety of rice preparations like lemon-rice, ghee-rice, curd-rice,
plain-rice etc along with paayasam (sweet porridge) and taamboola with
dakshine
( coconut, beetel leaves and money ) and take the lady's blessings for
the prosperity of male issues. ( the prosperity of female issues is in
no way neglected or thought unimportant ). I have only mentioned the
traditional aspect of this festival.
Mangala Gowri vratam - on all tuesdays of shraavana month. This vratam
is celebrated by married women in the first five years of their
marriage. The women pray for their husbands' prosperity and longevity of
life. Copra (dried coconut), blocks of jaggery, blouse peices folded in
a triangular shape, bangles are all offered to godess gowri and women
sing a special mangala gowri song and as they sing, they hold a squarish
ladle ( used to turn sides of a dosa or chapati ) to the lighted sixteen
lamps of ghee and collect its soot which they later apply to their eyes
as 'kaajal', one more symbol of sumangali. Special sweet prepared by
wheat flour or sooji with ghee and jaggery are offered to all the ladies
invited that evening along with the traditional beetel leaf, coconut,
plantains and coins of money. At the end of five years' worshipping, the
woman invites her mother for the pooja and lunch and gives a gift to
her mother on successful completion of the vrata and takes her
blessings.
Upaakarma : This is observed on different days by the followers of the
three vedaas. The yajurvEdis observe it on Sraavana pUrnima day and
RigvEdis observe it in Shraavana maasa when the shravana nakshatra is
sighted. Saamavedis observe this one month later, under the nakshatra
(asterism) Hastaa in the month of Bhaadrapada. It usually occurs a day
before or after or on the Ganesha chaturti day. The word Upaakarma
itself is derived from the word upakramana which means to start
something. In the olden days in Gurukulaas the academic year was divided
into two terms. The first term was for about five months and the second
was for about seven months. The first term was called upaakarma and the
second utsarjana. The first term upaakarma refers to the starting of
basic vedic lessons of Samhitaas, Brahmanaas, aranyakaas and upanishads.
These lessons continued till the beginning of the pushya maasa. On the
full moon day of pushya month or on the day of the asterism of Rohini
the study of vedaas was concluded with the ceremony of utsarjana. The
word utsarjana and visarjana mean the same thing - discontinuing or
discharging something. On this day the adhyayana and adhyaapana (
learning and teaching ) of vedaas are concluded and the study of six
vEdAngAs are started - shiksha, vyaakarana, chandas, nirukta, jyotisha
and kalpa. Other subjects are also taught during this period. This will
again conclude on the upaakarma day and vedaadhyayana begins. Since
Saamavedis have their upakarma in Bhadrapada month, they have the
utsarjana on the full moon day of maagha.
Though the name upakarma refers to the first term of the year in a
gurukula, it is also observed by the grihastas as they also have a duty
to teach what they have learnt and they should also revise whatever they
have learnt.
On this day men worship the great Sages and offer tila tarpana to them
to fulfill the R^ina or the debt towards these Rishis who have given us
the legacy of vedas and upanishads. Men also change the sacred thread
and wear a new one accompanied by the appropriate rituals.
Gayathri pratipat - Sraavana krishna paadya : There is no connection
between the upakarma and Gayathri pratipat. Since it falls on the next
day of the yajurvedi upakarma people connect the two. According to the
shaastraas, the person must perform yajna offering 1000 samits to the
fire god or do the japa of Gayathri mantra 1000 times. It is this mantra
which when chanted with earnestness and devotion will bestow upon the
person high level of grahana and dhaarana shakti. Grahana shakti is the
ability to grasp what is taught and dhaarana shakti is the capacity to
retain in memory what is learnt.
Varamahaalakshmi vrata - the Friday before the purnima of Shraavana
month : Married woman whose husbands are alive perform this pooja at
home. They arrange a kalasha ( a silver pot smeared with chunnam,
arisina and kumkum, with mango leaves and a coconut perched on top ) and
invoke godess Lakshmi who is the bestower of wealth and prosperity. A
'doora' or a special thread is tied to the pot while worshipping the
Godess and later on the worshipper ties that thread on her right wrist
as a protective band. Sumangali ladies are invited and offered gifts and
their blessings taken.
Gokulaashtami - Shraavana krishna ashtami : This is the birthday
celebrations of Lord Sri Krishna who incarnated in the dwaapara yuga as
a son to Devaki and Vasudeva. Since Krishna was born at midnight the
festival is celebrated on the day when ashtami or the Rohini star is
there after moonrise. People fast during the day, prepare number of
eatables considered as favorite of Lord Krishna, offer it to the Lord
and then distribute them as Prasaadam to all the devotees and specially
to children. They keep vigil the whole night doing bhajans and listening
to Bhaagavata story or other stories depicting the greatness of Lord
Srikrishna as a child. In Maharashtra people hang pots of milk and
butter at great heights and young boys play underneath them and compete
with each other to break the pots and drink the milk , like how Krishna
used to do with his friends at Gokul. Young children are dressed up like
little Krishna and visit the houses in the neighbourhood. Grand scale
celebrations take place at Krishna temples, specially at Vrindavan,
Dwaraka and Mathura. People decorate cradles and keep the image of child
Krishna in it and sacraments like jataka karma and naming ceremony are
all done on that night.
Friday, August 1, 2008
letter of Husband to Wife:*
Dear Sweetheart,
I can't send my salary this month, so I am sending 100 kisses...
You are my sweetheart.
Your husband
Allen.
Wife replied back after some days to her Husband:*
Dearest sweetheart,
Thanks for your 100 kisses, I am sending the expenses details.
1. The Milk man agreed on 2 kisses for one month's milk.
2. The electricity man only agreed after 7 kisses.
3. Your house owner is coming every day and taking two or three kisses instead of the rent.
4. Supermarket owner did not accept kisses only, so I have given him some other items.....
5. Other expenses 40 kisses
Please don't worry for me, I have a remaining balance of 35 kisses and I Hope
I can complete the month using this balance.
Shall I plan same way for next months, Please Advise!!!
Your Sweet Heart.
I can't send my salary this month, so I am sending 100 kisses...
You are my sweetheart.
Your husband
Allen.
Wife replied back after some days to her Husband:*
Dearest sweetheart,
Thanks for your 100 kisses, I am sending the expenses details.
1. The Milk man agreed on 2 kisses for one month's milk.
2. The electricity man only agreed after 7 kisses.
3. Your house owner is coming every day and taking two or three kisses instead of the rent.
4. Supermarket owner did not accept kisses only, so I have given him some other items.....
5. Other expenses 40 kisses
Please don't worry for me, I have a remaining balance of 35 kisses and I Hope
I can complete the month using this balance.
Shall I plan same way for next months, Please Advise!!!
Your Sweet Heart.
Monday, May 26, 2008
Cost for marriage
A boy says to his father: "Dad, how much does it cost to get married? I don't know my son, I am still paying!"
spell check
Once A Man Was On Vacation. He Enjoyed The Place So Much That He Could Not Resist But Send A Telegram To He Wife Saying -- "Wish You Were Here". When He Reached Home, He Was Welcomed Very Dangerously. Reason? -- A Distorted Message Saying -- "Wish You Were Her".
HOME > Marriage
I have "great" news for you
The newlywed wife said to her husband when he returned from work, "I have great news for you. Pretty soon, we're going to be three in this house instead of two." Her husband ran to her with a smile on his face and delight in his eyes. He was glowing of happiness and kissing his wife when she said, "I'm glad that you feel this way since tomorrow morning, my mother moves in with us."
Why can't you be like that?
Jill tells her husband, "jack, that young couple that just moved in next door seem such a loving twosome. Every morning, when he leaves the house, he kisses her goodbye, and every evening when he comes homes, he brings her a dozen roses. Now, why can't you do that?" "Gosh," jack says. "Why i hardly know the girl."
A boy says to his father: "Dad, how much does it cost to get married? I don't know my son, I am still paying!"
spell check
Once A Man Was On Vacation. He Enjoyed The Place So Much That He Could Not Resist But Send A Telegram To He Wife Saying -- "Wish You Were Here". When He Reached Home, He Was Welcomed Very Dangerously. Reason? -- A Distorted Message Saying -- "Wish You Were Her".
HOME > Marriage
I have "great" news for you
The newlywed wife said to her husband when he returned from work, "I have great news for you. Pretty soon, we're going to be three in this house instead of two." Her husband ran to her with a smile on his face and delight in his eyes. He was glowing of happiness and kissing his wife when she said, "I'm glad that you feel this way since tomorrow morning, my mother moves in with us."
Why can't you be like that?
Jill tells her husband, "jack, that young couple that just moved in next door seem such a loving twosome. Every morning, when he leaves the house, he kisses her goodbye, and every evening when he comes homes, he brings her a dozen roses. Now, why can't you do that?" "Gosh," jack says. "Why i hardly know the girl."
Perfect husband for a wife
Several men are in the locker room of a golf club. A cell phone on a bench rings and a man engages the hands free speaker-function and begins to talk. Everyone else in the room stops to listen. MAN: "Hello." WOMAN: "Honey, it's me. Are you at the club?" MAN: "Yes." WOMAN: "I am at the mall now and found this beautiful leather coat. It's only $1,000. Is it OK if I buy it?" MAN: "Sure, go ahead if you like it that much." WOMAN: "I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the new 2005 models. I saw one I really liked." MAN: "How much?" WOMAN: "$90,000." MAN: "OK, but for that price, I want it with all the options." WOMAN: "Great! Oh, and one more thing .....the house I wanted last year is back on the market. They're asking $950,000." MAN: "Well, then go ahead and give them an offer of $900,000. They will probably take it. If not, we can go the extra 50 thousand. It is really a pretty good price." WOMAN: "OK. I'll see you later! I love you so much!!" MAN: "Bye! I love you, too." The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room are staring at him in astonishment, mouths agape..... Then he smiles and asks: "Anyone know who this phone belongs to?"
LOVE v/s Marriage
LOVE v/s Marriage
Love is holding hands in the street Marriage is holding arguments in the street. Love is dinner for 2 in your favourite restaurant. Marriage is a fast food take-out Love is cuddling on a sofa Marriage is deciding on a sofa Love is talking about having children Marriage is talking about getting away from children Love is going to bed early Marriage is going to sleep early Love is a romantic drive Marriage is a tarmac drive Love is losing your appetite Marriage is losing your figure Love is sweet nothing in the ear Marriage is sweet nothing in the bank. Love is a flickering flame Marriage is a flickering television Love is 1 drink and 2 straws Marriage is "Don't you think you've had enough!" In short love is Blind Marriage is an eye opener!!!!!
Love is holding hands in the street Marriage is holding arguments in the street. Love is dinner for 2 in your favourite restaurant. Marriage is a fast food take-out Love is cuddling on a sofa Marriage is deciding on a sofa Love is talking about having children Marriage is talking about getting away from children Love is going to bed early Marriage is going to sleep early Love is a romantic drive Marriage is a tarmac drive Love is losing your appetite Marriage is losing your figure Love is sweet nothing in the ear Marriage is sweet nothing in the bank. Love is a flickering flame Marriage is a flickering television Love is 1 drink and 2 straws Marriage is "Don't you think you've had enough!" In short love is Blind Marriage is an eye opener!!!!!
all about wives
Way 4 Long Life
Man To Dr.: Is there any way 4 long life? Dr.: Get Married... Man: Will it Help? Dr.: NO! But thought of long life will never come 2 ur Mind 4 ever.
My wife dresses to kill. She also cooks the same way. ************ My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met. ************ A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong. ************ I bought my wife a new car. She called and said, "There was water in the carburetor." I asked her, "Where's the car?" She replied, "In the lake." ************ The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret. ************ I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months - I don't like to interrupt her. ************ My girlfriend told me I should be more affectionate. So I got myself two girlfriends.
Man To Dr.: Is there any way 4 long life? Dr.: Get Married... Man: Will it Help? Dr.: NO! But thought of long life will never come 2 ur Mind 4 ever.
My wife dresses to kill. She also cooks the same way. ************ My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met. ************ A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong. ************ I bought my wife a new car. She called and said, "There was water in the carburetor." I asked her, "Where's the car?" She replied, "In the lake." ************ The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret. ************ I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months - I don't like to interrupt her. ************ My girlfriend told me I should be more affectionate. So I got myself two girlfriends.
happiest hour
During their silver anniversary, a wife reminded her husband: Do you remember when you proposed to me, I was so overwhelmed that I didn't talk for an hour?" The hubby replied: "Yes, honey, that was the happiest hour of my life."
door bell!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
One night a guy dropped his girlfriend at her home. As they were about to wish each other goodnight at the front door, the guy started feeling a little in the mood. With an air of confidence, he leaned with his hand against the wall and smiling, he said to her "Honey, would you give me a kiss ?" Horrified, she replied, "Are you mad? My parents will see us!" " Oh come on! Who's gonna see us at this hour?" He asked grinning at her. " No, please. Can you imagine if we get caught?" "Oh come on! There's nobody around, they're all sleeping!". " No way, it's just too risky!" "Oh please, please, I love you so much?!?". " No, no, and no. I love you too, but I just can't!". "Oh yes you can. Please?" " No, no. I just can't" " I'm begging you ... " Out of the blue, the light on the stairs went on, and The girl's elder sister showed up in her pajamas, hair dishevelled, And in a sleepy voice she said, " Dad says to go ahead and give him a kiss, or I can do it. Or if need Be, mom says she can come down herself and do it, but for God's sake and all of ours.... TELL HIM TO TAKE HIS HAND OFF THE DOOR BELL ........
wake up!!!!!
A man and his wife were having some problems at home And were giving each other the silent treatment. Suddenly, The man realized that the next day, he would Need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early Morning business flight. Not wanting to be the first To break the silence (and LOSE), He wrote on a piece Of paper, " Please wake me at 5:00 AM." He left it Where he knew she would find it. The next morning, the Man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he Had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and See why his wife hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a Piece of paper by the bed. The paper said, "It is 5:00 AM. Wake up."
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